Post by Sawslig Steve. And William. on Aug 27, 2013 13:03:45 GMT
Hi there! So you're an up-and-coming new player with dreams of making it big in the (technically) world-renowned Impossible Creatures multiplayer circuit. I can see your scorpion-cuttlefish chafing at the bit, just itching to get glorious chunks of your opponent's flying train trapped twixt their cute li'l nippers.
But woah there, champ! There's a few things you need to learn before you wade into your first big game-- not about fighting or creature selection (I can see you're already the best there is), but rather a couple of important lessons in mercy and magnanimity you'll have to keep in mind if you don't want to reduce Mut or Avi to tears every time you crush them underheel. You don't want to do that, by the way. When they get wet, they... Change. Ignore that if you haven't seen Gremlins.
The simple truth is, there's a code of justice and chivalry that every IC player holds deep within his or her heart; a (previously) unwritten list of things no beastmaster should ever do. This set of rules ensures harmony and unity within our community, while conferring the added bonus of making any compliant player less of a douchebag.
How can you join the illustrious ranks that include the likes of Puglin, VisserZer0, Matt and a man named Jacqui? Simple! Just memorise this handy list of things you should never do, and that will ensure that the nearest Tel forum member does not hunt you down and dephlogisticate your spleen:
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#1. The golden rule: NO LABRUSHING. There are a lot of extremely powerful creatures in IC, many of which are capable of literally walking or flying past an enemy's defences and destroying their lab before they can make so much as a single man o' war/cobra. While this is certainly one way of winning, it is widely regarded as pure evil scraped from the cleft of Satan's left hoof. The fact is, anyone can win via labrush; it doesn't prove that you're any good, it just makes everyone hate you. So, to keep the community members sane and out of jail, don't do it; destroy the opponent's base (and ideally, expansions) before you target that lab.
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#2. No Homobirds. The widely regarded Dictionary of Genetic Misadventures (by Steven Pederson) defines homobirds as:
"Any (ANY, not just the dragonfly/praying mantis) extremely cheap [typically below 75 coal and electricity] flying unit that can be made en masse and used to completely eliminate any unfriendly blip on the minimap within literally seconds."
[Steve: My name is Steven Pederson and I support this message.(oh eat a dick)]
Like labrushing, this is not something that takes any significant skill, and as such, it will make everyone shun you so hard you cease to exist (see: Jingles). You can feel free to use these fliers in your army, just don't sit in your base and make a million of them at once. That's madness.
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#3. Don't abuse overpowered units or abilities. The most currently-obvious example of this is web throw, which, when used skilfully (read: by hammering the web hotkey), renders the entire enemy army completely useless. We're always at work trying to balance Tel, but there will always be a few overpowered units or abilities to iron out; until we get around to fixing them, don't use them. Just trust me on that. With regards to the definition of an overpowered unit: if you don't know, ask around. If experienced players say it needs to be nerfed, or just start bleeding from their eyes, that is a sign that you should not use that unit.
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#4. Try very, very hard to be a gracious loser. In my experience, playing Impossible Creatures online is 10% glorious, wriggly victory and approximately 90% sobbing quietly while you watch your beautiful flying train explode. Particularly while you're new, you can expect a fair amount of the latter, and how you deal with that is what defines you as a player, as well as a person. This one's not quite so strictly upheld as the other three, but is nevertheless important; if you find yourself in a losing position, it's very poor form to leave the game before your opponent has a chance to win (something we in the business refer to as a "furious tiny-bladdered ragequit"). Other dick moves include destroying all of your creatures and buildings (the "sulky Steve") and complaining loudly every time you lose, generally blaming everyone around you (the "those damned liberals" defense). Certain very experienced players will tell you that there is nothing wrong with quitting if you know you're going to lose; those players are wrong. The simple fact is, winning by destroying your enemy in a fair battle is extremely satisfying, and having your glorious army suddenly replaced by a postgame screen telling you that you won is not. The outcome of a battle may be inevitable, but denying your enemy the pleasure of destroying your base simply because you'd find it embarrassing or boring is terrible sportsmanship; think of the people you're playing with, not just yourself.
[Steve: I call this rule the "Prickly Puglin."]
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If you avoid doing the above things, you have my personal guarantee that we will not hunt you down and murder you silly. And now you know everything you need to know to dispense tusky, tusky justice upon the unwashed masses. You're welcome. Be free!
-Will "The Spurious Haberdasher" Harradine
But woah there, champ! There's a few things you need to learn before you wade into your first big game-- not about fighting or creature selection (I can see you're already the best there is), but rather a couple of important lessons in mercy and magnanimity you'll have to keep in mind if you don't want to reduce Mut or Avi to tears every time you crush them underheel. You don't want to do that, by the way. When they get wet, they... Change. Ignore that if you haven't seen Gremlins.
The simple truth is, there's a code of justice and chivalry that every IC player holds deep within his or her heart; a (previously) unwritten list of things no beastmaster should ever do. This set of rules ensures harmony and unity within our community, while conferring the added bonus of making any compliant player less of a douchebag.
How can you join the illustrious ranks that include the likes of Puglin, VisserZer0, Matt and a man named Jacqui? Simple! Just memorise this handy list of things you should never do, and that will ensure that the nearest Tel forum member does not hunt you down and dephlogisticate your spleen:
----------
#1. The golden rule: NO LABRUSHING. There are a lot of extremely powerful creatures in IC, many of which are capable of literally walking or flying past an enemy's defences and destroying their lab before they can make so much as a single man o' war/cobra. While this is certainly one way of winning, it is widely regarded as pure evil scraped from the cleft of Satan's left hoof. The fact is, anyone can win via labrush; it doesn't prove that you're any good, it just makes everyone hate you. So, to keep the community members sane and out of jail, don't do it; destroy the opponent's base (and ideally, expansions) before you target that lab.
----------
#2. No Homobirds. The widely regarded Dictionary of Genetic Misadventures (by Steven Pederson) defines homobirds as:
"Any (ANY, not just the dragonfly/praying mantis) extremely cheap [typically below 75 coal and electricity] flying unit that can be made en masse and used to completely eliminate any unfriendly blip on the minimap within literally seconds."
[Steve: My name is Steven Pederson and I support this message.(oh eat a dick)]
Like labrushing, this is not something that takes any significant skill, and as such, it will make everyone shun you so hard you cease to exist (see: Jingles). You can feel free to use these fliers in your army, just don't sit in your base and make a million of them at once. That's madness.
----------
#3. Don't abuse overpowered units or abilities. The most currently-obvious example of this is web throw, which, when used skilfully (read: by hammering the web hotkey), renders the entire enemy army completely useless. We're always at work trying to balance Tel, but there will always be a few overpowered units or abilities to iron out; until we get around to fixing them, don't use them. Just trust me on that. With regards to the definition of an overpowered unit: if you don't know, ask around. If experienced players say it needs to be nerfed, or just start bleeding from their eyes, that is a sign that you should not use that unit.
----------
#4. Try very, very hard to be a gracious loser. In my experience, playing Impossible Creatures online is 10% glorious, wriggly victory and approximately 90% sobbing quietly while you watch your beautiful flying train explode. Particularly while you're new, you can expect a fair amount of the latter, and how you deal with that is what defines you as a player, as well as a person. This one's not quite so strictly upheld as the other three, but is nevertheless important; if you find yourself in a losing position, it's very poor form to leave the game before your opponent has a chance to win (something we in the business refer to as a "furious tiny-bladdered ragequit"). Other dick moves include destroying all of your creatures and buildings (the "sulky Steve") and complaining loudly every time you lose, generally blaming everyone around you (the "those damned liberals" defense). Certain very experienced players will tell you that there is nothing wrong with quitting if you know you're going to lose; those players are wrong. The simple fact is, winning by destroying your enemy in a fair battle is extremely satisfying, and having your glorious army suddenly replaced by a postgame screen telling you that you won is not. The outcome of a battle may be inevitable, but denying your enemy the pleasure of destroying your base simply because you'd find it embarrassing or boring is terrible sportsmanship; think of the people you're playing with, not just yourself.
[Steve: I call this rule the "Prickly Puglin."]
----------
If you avoid doing the above things, you have my personal guarantee that we will not hunt you down and murder you silly. And now you know everything you need to know to dispense tusky, tusky justice upon the unwashed masses. You're welcome. Be free!
-Will "The Spurious Haberdasher" Harradine
