Genocide and Procrastination

[Sawslig Steve. And William.]

I remember in the campaign the heroes rock up at an island and the villagers are all like "We totally knew you were coming" and Rex asks "How?" and the villager replies "Uuuhhh... Big drums." in a super shifty way. So obviously he's lying about the big drums. So how did they Actually find out a flying train was inbound?

I like to think it's because they have a secret radio tower, because they aren't actually savages at all, just a bunch of actors that Upton guy blackmailed to stand around on some fake islands and pretend to not have a university education. Probably so he can hunt them for sport. I mean, he tries to kill the ones on the first island. For kind of no reason I guess. Then Ladygirl McFrenchington sets a bunch of them on fire. Then there's a big ol' ominous graveyard. Actually there are no natives at all on the desert islands as far as I remember, so I guess they've all been genocided.

I bet all the villager dialogue is coded messages. "You have to scare the creatures away from the flaming savannah heads! And by that I mean 'Please save my family, the tiny psychopath has them tied above a lava pit.'" Replay the campaign with that in mind and suddenly it's all really horrific.





... Yeah, I'm trying to avoid doing a writeup due in two days.

[BARRY MANILOW]

Which is evidently why you didn't play Age of Mythology with me yesterday.

You disgust me.

[Sawslig Steve. And William.]

No, that was something different. Altogether another kind of procrastination. I would've said if it was a report.

[BARRY MANILOW]

You are the very image of subtlety.

(Doesn't explain why you can't do both)

[Sawslig Steve. And William.]

I have no idea what you think I was talking about but there's like a 113% chance that you're wrong (I was baptising multilingual fleece donors in space).

I can't do both because my laptop can't function in a vacuum. It's half-stray-cat ever since I found that way to blend animal and machine, and now if has to breathe all the time. Also, poop.

[Matt]

Play the game whilst imagining everything said in a seductive voice. All of it.

[MERRY CROMBMAS!]

Not to mention the fact that they all speak fluent English.

[Sawslig Steve. And William.]

Play the game whilst imagining everything said in a seductive voice. All of it.

"I gots gas... *Sly wink*."

"I control your body."

"I need to reproduce an army of combined men. *Unzips fly*"

[Matt]

they're... really big drums. the latest models. wink.

[Sawslig Steve. And William.]

"I'll cook your goose. [If you know what I'm sayin']."

[thedoktor]

fuck I don't remember any of the dialogue.

[Sawslig Steve. And William.]

Oh my God I have the most incredible craving for the IC campaign right now.

I've been waiting for this day for months.

LET US CLOCK THIS MOTHERFUCKER.